On April 1st of this year, Peter sent an e-mail out to everyone on his list server to declare what he felt was missing from the anecdotes the legislature listened to on proposed changes to a law on the use of deadly force – “children and vaginas.” When Peter was confronted about his off-hand remark about women, he lashed out at his critics claiming, “if you find the noun vagina insulting or in some way offensive then perhaps a better exercise might be for you to re-examine your psyche.”
Yeah ladies, if you don’t like being referred to simply by your anatomy then you obviously have a mental problem. That’s because Peter fervently tells us that he is “highly educated” – in misogyny. Cocky Pete knows that intelligent women love being called vagina because it isn’t chauvinistic it’s a nickname and you don’t hear many Richards’ complain when people call them Rick, right?
The thing is, people seem surprised that Peter would refer to women by their sex organs, but take a hard look at the guy because the fact is – Peter. Is. A. Dick. He thinks calling women something other than vaginas would be giving in to political correctness.
And you can’t expect him to be politically correct, because politically, he’s a dinosaur. He even looks like a fossil. Although Peter may be a tool, he did eventually give a heartfelt apology that moved America to tears. Sure critics will claim that he only made an apology as an attempt to save his party from extinction and irrelevance, but I know he was truly repentant and remorseful.
That’s why when Penis finally did apologize for his remarks, he said, “My point in the choice of words was two-fold, one was shock content.” You know what will be really shocking? If somehow Petey keeps his job come election time. But Peter was not done with his explanation, he went on to say “the other was to try to get into the mind of the perpetrator.” Because when we are talking about people who commit violent acts, we want them to get it in their minds that women exist just for sex.
Folks, just because Republicans hate children, puppies, poor people, people with healthy sex lives, gays, romantic comedies, and popcorn, doesn’t make them bad people. That’s because they do care about women…well, not women as whole, but they do care about their vaginas. It’s why they can’t stop trying to legislate them. Can’t you see that it’s the ultimate sign of respect?
It’s because of this love and respect that the Republicans keep pushing their seemingly sexist agenda. But I think that women get all the best invasive procedures against their will, I mean where’s my mandatory prostate exams before my vasectomy. Women should just be happy that their government cares so much, after all men have to pay high dollar escorts to get ****ed like that.
So America, instead of giving Peter the shaft, we should instead embrace these new pet names. Think about it, it could be next big Hallmark moment! They could publish “#1 Dick” mugs, “I ♥ C***’s” t-shirts, and “How I love Your Boobs, Let Me Count The Ways” cards.
I say we start this movement by renaming our significant others in similar fashion. Hell, I think I will start this evening by calling Emily a vagina just as she starts to prepare dinner. I just know that doing so will make her super happy and not prone to poison me or smother me in my sleep. That’s because she will most likely stab me with the nearest power tool. That’s right America, going out and performing such a gesture will really help your significant other to drill down deep to expose how you really feel.