Wax On While Getting Off

Folks, I cannot count the number of times that I have told my readers that money is tight. In this bad economy, vendors should be offering any and every incentive to convince consumers to purchase their goods or use their services. We all just want a little more “bang for our buck.”

One Car Wash in Malaysia has hit on a novel approach to retaining customers through its loyalty rewards card program. Now usually these types of cards mean we get a free desert or a free up-size on our value meal purchase…maybe a discount…perhaps an autographed poster… After all they are all about making the consumer loyal by bribing them with more of what they want. And this Car Wash knows that what we all want is: sex.

That’s right, by joining their Reward Club you get free sex after a pre-determined amount of car wash purchases. How many times do you need to wash your car to get laid? Well, at this particular car wash the answer is nine. On your tenth trip to the car wash, you get to cozy up with a prostitute and all it may cost you is the penicillin you will need afterwards.

Residents of Kuala Lumpur probably had the shiniest cars in Malaysia. Hell, I’ll bet the paper boy was even driving his bike through to earn points.

This is revolutionary! Why aren’t we doing this everywhere? Sure, prostitution is illegal and you will probably catch a disease, but no business venture is without risk! This Car Wash is providing several necessary services: 1) they are giving a great shopping incentive to consumers which could jump start the economy, 2) they are keeping hookers at work in a place that has showers, and 3) they are providing divorce attorneys an easy way to ensure their clients get nice settlements.

I think that Pat Robertson should jump on this ‘sin‘sational bandwagon.

Think about it like this, he (and other religious misogynists like him) could use the idea to increase membership in their flocks. After all, Robertson hates women and he recently encouraged people to slap down their wives. That is only step away from PIMP! He could rename his show The 700 Serviced Club. Besides, assuming Robertson isn’t gay, I wonder how much experience he has with prostitutes?

Unfortunately, the Malaysian Car Wash was shut down by police. What had started as an enterprising venture in the exploitation of Vietnamese women was finished almost as quickly as it began. Police uncovered the sex ring while investigating massage parlors accused of offering a happy endings to their customers. They had set up a sting on the parlors and what they found there surprised them – many of the men arrested possessed the reward card for the Car Wash.

Something about this story puts a whole new meaning on the idea of a wash and a wax.

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