Yu-Gi-Uh Oh! We Are Going To Jail

Folks, I have a fever – a fever for Yu-Gi-Oh! cards! Man, it is more addictive than crack and just like with Pokémon – I wanna catch them all. I need new packs and special decks, but alas I am broke and cannot afford them…whatever can I do?

If you are 17-year-old Brandon Rhoads of Port St. Lucie, Florida, you concoct an elaborate scheme to acquire $20 of them. Brandon, along with an unnamed 14-year-old accomplice (actually I am surprised that Brandon’s name was released considering he is under 18), allegedly devised a plan involving a badge, some plastic handcuffs, and deep voice could score them some of those cards.

The 14-year-old entered a Wal-Mart there and proceeded to pick up the packs of cards. Brandon then entered and approached the Customer Service desk and asked the manager, Laura Dougherty, to page his accomplice so that he could arrest him. The manager asked to see some ID, so Brandon flashed a badge from his wallet. Even though the badge looked remarkable similar to the ones sold in the toy section, Laura complied with his request. She paged the boy to the counter. Upon seeing Brandon, the 14-year-old feigned fear! Brandon grabbed his friend roughly and spouted dialog more suited to an episode of Miami Vice. Brandon told the 14-year-old “you are going up the river” and “wait til lefty and the boys get a hold of you in the slammer”. Brandon then put plastic handcuffs on him and escorted him outside.

The story could have ended there. Had Brandon forcibly shoved his accomplice into the backseat of his car, they could have gotten away with a brilliant plan. However, the two made a few dreadful mistakes…

First..who the hell uses plastic handcuffs? Joan and I don’t even use them for our weird fetish games. If you aren’t using ones made from unbreakable tempered steel, you are just wasting your time restraining someone! They have to feel the bite into their flesh to get the thrill of it all.

Second, Brandon removed the handcuffs the minute they stepped outside. Wal-Mart has like a trillion cameras – did you miss those Brandon? Not only that, but a kid arresting another kid is kind of suspicious and so Linda followed them outside and watched Brandon remove the handcuffs!

Third, why the hell were you using plastic handcuffs? Oh, wait I’ve said that…I mean, third, why would you think to do this at a place with like a trillion cameras? Wal-Mart is under more surveillance than Fort Knox! You would have a better chance of mugging the President and getting away with it than committing a crime at Wally World.

Besides, of all the things that you could steal from Wal-Mart, you choose a few packs of trading cards worth less than a steak dinner at Applebees? You impersonated a police officer, do you know what that means? You are getting charged with a felony, Brandon! You should have at least made it worth it! You should have gone for Magic: The Gathering, they have better street cred!

The dynamic duo fled on foot when they realized that the store manager had walked outside with them. They were soon picked up by police after they were found arranging their decks to be more suited to an aggressive play style near a local Chuckie Cheese.

Brandon did say that he regretted getting caught and that his actions were “stupid”. But I think we knew that by this point.

I must say this is definitely one for the People of Wal-Mart….


*You can read the full story here at the Daily Mail.*


2 comments on “Yu-Gi-Uh Oh! We Are Going To Jail

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