Nickel & Dimed Right Out Of A Job

Folks, The Internet is in an uproar over the firing of Richard Eggers. Eggers, 68, was a longtime customer service employee of Wells Fargo. In July, he was unceremoniously fired for a crime he committed in 1963. When Eggers was around 19 years of age, he committed one of the earliest cases of money laundering – meaning he placed a cardboard dime into a washing machine at a laundry mat in attempt to wash his clothes. He was convicted of operating a coin-changing machine using false means and then spent two days in jail.

The Internet is awash with comments crying foul at this. Don’t they understand that Richard is a criminal – he is a convicted Misdemeanorian for Christ’s sake! We can’t allow people convicted of misdemeanors to handle our money! Imagine if you let any Tom, Dick, or Harry who had received a parking ticket to be responsible for giving you correct change at the Teller Counter – it could result in absolute chaos! Sure Eggers is an old man who probably will only get $150 a month in Social Security to pay all of his bills, but that isn’t Wells Fargo’s problem. If Eggers hadn’t stolen from this laundry mat when he was a child, he would still be gainfully employed in a minimum wage job. We all know that misdemeanors stick with you for your entire life, he should have known that his crime would come back to haunt him over and over.

The Internet is also up in arms about the fact that the banks are reinterpreting Federal guidelines to not employ anyone convicted of transactional crimes – these are crimes involving some form of monetary exchange. The banks have begun firing low-level executives and employees, but are not even looking at their higher level employees. The Internet is angry that the banks are not targeting the upper-level executives. They want to know why the people who defrauded Americans and brought our nation to the verge of economic collapse while receiving millions in bonuses are being allowed to keep their jobs while poverty-stricken old people are being let go!

Don’t you realize that those executives aren’t criminals? It was Freddie Mac that ripped off millions of American taxpayers, not then CEO Richard Syron! Syron and the rest of Freddie Mac’s Board of Directors chastised the company loudly for the decisions it made before they collected the millions in bonuses that they were entitled to. We have to remember that corporations are now legally individuals and therefore the people running them cannot be held responsible for the corporations actions. It’s like when a parent has to take their shoplifting child back to apologize – the parent isn’t liable to pay for anything!

That’s why instead of firing the high-level executives, we should just fire the corporations! Because they are individuals – who by law committed crimes involving monetary transactions and thereby cannot work in the banking industry anymore!

Once we eliminate every corporation who was involved in the housing crash, we can go back to the only sure ways to save for retirement: either by stuffing a mattress or by playing the lottery.


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