Are You Getting Any Reception?

Folks, I love funerals weddings – and I most especially love the parties that follow them. These parties are usually full of food, wine, laughter, and awkward moments of making out with people you shouldn’t have in front of dozens of cameras you should have realized were around.

Lauren & Jim’s Wedding reception last night, however, was put on hold while the bride and groom primped and preened before the camera. We all sat hungrily, feasting on hors d’oeuvres as picture after picture was taken of the couple and the wedding party…We had no idea we could have been eating green beans that were wrapped in bacon while we languished!! Even the baby looked like he was tired of waiting!

But finally the party started! These parties inevitably involve a girl dancing topless on one of the tables or a crazed ex showing up, proclaiming that the bride and groom cannot be wed, because “she is having my baby”. Nothing like that happened at the wedding I attended last night. Mainly because my dear friends Jim and Lauren were smart enough to not include alcohol at the reception. (Ahh alcohol, making bridesmaids have faulty judgement since the time of Jesus.)

I must admit, even though I personally don’t drink, I was curious at how much fun a wedding can be sober…and now I know. It can be a blast – if you have a photo booth and a lot of imagination! As a matter of fact, I think every occasion is made better with the inclusion of a photobooth.

Because with a table full of props, an imaginative girlfriend, and an insane writer, the sky is virtually the limit as to what one can do!

We acted like dinosaurs! I dressed in drag! She looked like a superhero! After we exhausted all the poses we could think of, we started adding other people to the photos! It’s amazing how a photobooth makes it okay for a guy in a tiara and feathers to grab random people for pictures!

Finally, it was time to cut the cakes. Some speeches were made but I don’t remember what was said…something like Jim and Lauren…blah blah…pretty awesome…blah blah…love them…and I totally agree with my Cliff Notes version!

Lecturing on bacon


But anyway…back to the cakes! Hers was of traditional design, but his was awesome. In the history of Groom’s cakes his cake takes the cake crown. Because it looked like a package of bacon. I was secretly hoping that it was MADE of bacon! I leaned forward as they cut it to see if I could hear the crunchy goodness of bacon being sliced in to cake size slices, but alas it was not to be…

Which was disappointing to me…I mean, why tease me with the promise of a bacon cake only not to have any bacon in it?? I think I gave a 70 minute lecture on the joy of baconhood. It’s like fatherhood with cleaner diapers.



But they made it up to me with bubbles. A bottle of soapy water and a bubble wand will keep me entertained for years. Too bad Jo wanted to do other things – like eat and dance.

Which by the way readers, it should be stated that I am the most awesome dancer in the history of dancing..if there had never been anyone else ever in the history of dancing…I look like I’m having a seizure. I have as much rhythm as a one legged antelope that keeps slamming into a glass door. (I have no idea what that means.)

Jo is an amazing dancer, however, and I was happy to know that no one noticed me because of her. Although, they may have asked why she was allowing me to escort her…

Soon, though the night drew to a close. And Jo and I left with my bubble wands, pictures, and the memories.

In the end, I had made some new friends, watched some good friends unite, danced with a girlfriend, got a bouquet of flowers from an old friend, and meet an Internet friend I had known for a year face to face. All in all, a good time to be had!


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