Folks, I apologize for my mini vacation. I could tell you what I have done, but it would come off as clichéd.
Which brings me to today’s topic…The clichés that need to die!
There are many phrases that are way overused, but the following phrases just irk me.
1. “Time to face the music.” Maybe I am just not as lucky as some people, but when I get in trouble I don’t have a band playing for me in the background. Unless you are living in the movie Grease, lose this expression…and if you do live in the movie Grease – lose yourself as I hate musicals!
2. “Think outside the box.” How uncreative are you to use the oldest saying about being creative that has ever been uttered! I think Jesus told this to Peter after he jumped from the boat to go for a little walk. Instead of saying this make up something that sounds Suessian! Like “Think like a Lorax eating a Thing 2”.
3. “What would your mother say?” She would probably chastise me for not drinking enough before attempting whatever offensive thing you just called me out on.
4. “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.” Unless you buy the liquid eggs in a carton from the dairy section of the grocery store. Those have no shells to break. This saying should be “You can’t get promoted unless you become a total douche” because that’s what it implies.
5. “I know, right?” So, you know…but you want confirmation? Needy much? (Yes I am guilty of this one too…damn.)
6. “There’s an app for that.” Yeah, well download it yourself and stop bragging about it. You sound like one of those preppy people I just want to punch in the face.
7. “Droid Does.” I own a Droid, and actually I know for fact it doesn’t. The whole reason I bought the thing was because of that little anecdote, but the first time I asked for a sandwich it just laid on my counter blinking. I tried this with Siri on iPhone as well and she just laughed…
8. “The ball is in your court.” I don’t even like sports. Why are you telling me something that I cannot possibly ever understand? What sport does this even refer to? Why are you fascinated with balls? Why not just say that you don’t want to deal with it so you are passing it off on me..at least then I will know what you are talking about.
9. “It’s only a matter of time.” Really? That is your wise man on the mountain moment? Everything is only a matter of time. You can literally follow that phrase with anything from “until the symptoms go away” to “until my dog dies” to “until I catch the clap”.
10. “Easy as pie.” The only easy thing about pie is eating it. I have attempted to make them before and that shit is hard! The last time I made one, it was purchased from Publix – because I almost set my kitchen on fire baking its predecessor.
11. “It’s not rocket science.” Rocket science isn’t even rocket science – its physics, chemistry, and lots of other M.I.T level training courses. You will not ever take a class in college called ‘Rocket Science’. I know, I tried. The only people who study “Rocket Science” are coyotes and Stargate fans.
12. “Because I said so.” If I trusted your opinion, I wouldn’t have kept pushing the issue. And now the best response about why I can’t do/buy something is because you said so? Because isn’t an answer people, it is a conjunction leading to an answer and I want supporting arguments not anecdotal rhetoric.
13. “Here we go again.” Well, obviously you must have enjoyed it the last time or else you would have gotten off the Merry-Go-Round by now.
14. “Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.” Actually, if I have to choose between listening to you say that or just getting poked by the stick…I’ll choose the stick.
15. “Blood is thicker than water.” Actually they are both pretty thin. And at least water doesn’t stain my clothes. Or leave a bad taste in my mouth. And if I take in too much water, I won’t vomit.