I Just Iced All Over Myself

Folks, anyone that knows me inherently understands that I am not a fan of sports. I have often called for a revolution in the sporting arena – a revolution to make things different and more exciting! Someone apparently heard my call! Although…I am not sure this is what I had in mind…

Introducing…The Bikini Hockey League…

Keep in mind that hockey is one of the only sports that I feel is okay the way it is. It involves people hitting each other with sticks while wearing razors on their feet. Also, there is something about pucks and goals, but that isn’t the important part. The important part is the fighting with deadly blades and clubs. That’s the extent of my hockey knowledge.

But Cary Eskridge knows that the sport is deeper. He knows that to get to the heart of the sport and to understand its true beauty you need half-naked models. Nothing screams seriousness like Hooters girls on ice!

I guess this will bring the obvious comparison to the Lingerie Football League. However, Eskridge claims that he isn’t copying the Lingerie Football League because “they are completely different sports.” He’s absolutely right! Besides, getting tackled in football while wearing a bikini might result in some bruises and scrapes while getting knocked onto the ice in a bikini will result in hypothermia. So obviously, the real difference between Lingerie Football and Bikini Hockey is that Eskridge hates women.

Why else would you suggest putting a bunch of Victoria Secret Model Wannabes in summer beach attire onto an icy surface where the average temperature of the ice is around 16 degrees Fahrenheit. Besides isn’t hockey sexy enough already with all the broken noses, missing teeth, and shattered jaws in the league?

Since no one in their right mind would think this is a safe setting for a sporting event, Eskridge is launching the idea as a reality TV show. In a manner similar to The Bachelor, almost naked women will compete in a series of events to see who can ‘make the team’. The website asks that potential competitors submit the following information: a head-shot, a full frontal front shot while in a bikini, and a full back shot of them in a bikini…yet no where on the site does it mention that the girls should know anything about ice skating – much less hockey! This can’t end well…

But these gals have to be wearing some kind of pads right? I mean, you can’t have women skating around on ice without wearing some kind of protective gear! Gloves, pads, masks, something! And if she is wearing all that, can you even see the bikini? It would be like “no, she is wearing one just underneath all her other clothes” – that isn’t called a bikini, its called bra and panties.

And what will this say about the audience of this sport? I think that many of the fans may be guilty of ‘high sticking’ (and perhaps ‘icing’), so perhaps they should invent new terms? One commenter, calling himself Polo,  on Yahoo! claims that “I will watch for the fights in order to see if it develops into full girl on girl action.” I think Polo is 9.

Oh wait…now Eskridge wants them to do the show as an inline-skating hockey event…well at least they won’t get left out in the cold….

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