I (sex)Robot

Sex. One of the most wonderful pastimes we ever discovered. With the right partner it can be amazing – and according to Douglas Hines, that right partner is a robot.

Hines says it’s the obvious replacement to human prostitutes! He claims that it won’t spread disease (except possibly to the people who have to clean them) and it won’t get kidnapped and sold into the sex industry (because if you ‘kidnap’ a robot, isn’t it actually called stealing?)!

Hines unveiled the Roxxxy True Companion at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. The Roxxxy originally weighed in at 120 lbs and stood 5’7″ and came in the hair color of your choice. But she wasn’t just a sex doll…no she was almost alive.

For instance, the Roxxxy won’t have sex with you, if it’s not in the mood. It actually sounds a lot like my ex…complains of headaches or wanting to cuddle and hold hands first. I mean isn’t the whole point of owning a sex toy to have sex with it? It would be like owning a microwave that required you to play Chopin before cooking your food.

Roxxxy, the realistic sex robot, wants to converse first. She likes discussing your day, your hobbies, your hopes & dreams, your thoughts on classical literature…This is due to the Roxxxy starting in ‘Frigid’ mode, according to Hines. Hines also claims that she has a “skank mode called Wild Wendy.” I must agree the thing does look skanky!

No wait that isn’t fair to skanks because these things are down right scary looking…I guess in this case they are a lot like real prostitutes…All the makeup in the world won’t make this gadget look good.

Hines said that “people will want to make love to an inanimate object” but isn’t having sex with a realistic doll just a few inches from necrophilia? I mean…some of these things look like dead women!

He also claims that they can do everything except cook and clean. I’m pretty sure she can’t give me a massage or run me a bath either…

Which brings me to more questions…what do you use for lubrication? Does the robot ‘lubricate’ itself? Or should its owner buy stock in Astroglide? Also…is this thing safe? It’s not like a blow-up doll or a dildo, ya know. It can crush your man parts if it has a android-type seizure! Imagine explaining that one to the doctor! “Yeah doc, my robot short circuited and flattened my penis.”

Also, if the Roxxxy is a real companion, does that count as cheating on your significant other? I mean outside of sex, the whole point of a relationship is to share things together – either by talking or experiencing together…I would think sharing with a toy that can comment back constitutes an affair.

Maybe this is the future that the Jetson’s hinted at, but call me old-fashioned as I prefer my women to be made of less plastic…

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