Banging Before Class

I hated shop class. Mainly because I am not mechanically inclined. All the ‘cool’ kids, you know the ones – could barely spell their name, but could weld a tree stand together in 27 minutes – would mock me for my failings…I did successfully create a solid uncut steel rod once though!

But on April 4th, a teacher of shop class at William H. Neff Center (a vocational school) in Abingdon, Virginia, decided that he was fed up with his unruly students. Manuael Ernest Dillow, 60, lined 12 students up against a wall, pulled a handgun from his waistband, and fired as many as ten shots at the screaming teenagers. Luckily the gun, and possibly Dillow as well, was only firing blanks.

Dillow had borrowed the gun from a criminal justice class and thought that making his students piss themselves would be the best way to maintain order in the classroom. After all, it’s hard to be the big man in the room when your clothes are wet and you are standing in a puddle of yellow liquid.
Dillow was arrested and charged with 12 felonies. That’s one felony for every donut the arresting officer had to forfeit to go arrest this ass clown.

Personally, I don’t see the harm. They threw a fake grenade at Captain America, why not fire fake bullets at adolescents – do they think they are better than him? Maybe if they hadn’t been such babies about it, they would have been selected to wear a goofy outfit so they could fight Nazi’s with what basically amounted to a patriotically colored trash can lid.

Besides, in this age of terrorism, wasn’t Dillow doing the kids a favor? According to former President, George Bush, terrorists could pop up anywhere, at anytime, and I am sure they would be using real bullets. These kids can probably use this experience to help prevent future hijackings and stuff. Imagine going into your local Kinko’s and suddenly Al-Qaeda is waving a Glock in your face – these kids would know exactly how to scream and fall to make the terrorists think all Americans are retarded so attacking us is kind of pointless. They see one of these guys wetting themselves and falling to the ground crying and flopping like a fish, and they may be like “Achmed, perhaps we give the United States too much credit.” Also, these kids now have bragging rights – they can say that they were banged by their teacher at school!

I’m not the only one who feels this way is awesome because “many parents have come forward in support of what this teacher did.” Those parents probably didn’t have kids in his class at the time or they weren’t selected to be fired upon. I know if I could have watched a teacher humiliate a bully, I would support that teachers actions everyday! Maybe he should have put one real bullet in the chamber and shot a hole in the wall before turning the blanks on the students – that would have really scarred them for life!

I think we should use this outside the classroom too! Think about it, see someone jay-walking – just fire a warning shot! That will teach them to cross at a cross-walk! Or how about when you are late for work and the line is long at Dunkin Donuts? You could fire blanks and move to the front of the line! They may even comp your coffee that day! I’ll bet it would work at concerts, movies, and sporting events too. You could even get your pastor to exclude you from tithing on Sunday by waving around this wondrous toy! Using the blanks to force down prices or get better deals is a great idea too! Bet you could even use it to reenact history by ‘convincing’ natives to give up their property with them!

Santa already is a big fan and I bet Jesus and the Easter Bunny would happily get on board!

All in all, I think this just shows that sometimes the threat of force can have the same results as the force itself – at least in terms of prison sentences…


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