No Diving Allowed, So I Am Going To Belly-Flop

Ever hallucinated while driving? Ever been busy texting, adjusting the radio, applying makeup, calling your friends, grabbing your coffee that you dropped in the floor, or any combination of all these, and realized that you were about to hit something or someone? And was that something you almost collided with a planet?

A pilot for Air Canada was flying passengers from Toronto to Zürich – funny how some of the best jokes start this way… Anyway, it is apparently okay for pilots to set an alarm clock and take a nap during flights! I mean, why not let the one person who is responsible for the lives and safety of everyone on-board sleep during the boring parts! The perfectly allowed nap was supposed to be only 40 minutes by Canadian regulations, but the crafty pilot managed to sleep for an additional 35 minutes!
Maybe this is why the cock pits are locked…think about it…how hard would it be to take over a plane if the pilots were sleeping when you attempted to hijack it? It also makes me wonder how many plane crashes were due to heavy sleeping? The alarm is going off in the background, but Captain Jim doesn’t hear it and the next thing you know the plane hits a mountain.

Anyway, back to Air Canada…the pilot woke up disoriented. He saw a bright light directly in front of him and freaked out – thinking it was a US C-17 cargo plane headed straight for him! He threw the plane into a nose dive before the co-pilot realized that they were about to collide with the C-17 (which was actually supposed to be below them at 34,000 feet)! The co-pilot pulled on the stick causing the plane to quickly ascend back into the sky. In the span of a few seconds the plane dropped and rose 400 feet – all to avoid hitting Venus. Seconds after pulling back up the C-17 passed 600 feet under them!
That’s right…the mystery light that the pilot was so worried about hitting was Venus. The second planet from the sun. Unless we have suddenly acquired the technology from Star Wars, I have to ask what the pilot was smoking before his nap. Because if he was fucked up in some way, at least then it would make sense. After all, once while drinking absinthe, I thought Mars was going to fall on me and crush me like a Cheez-It.

16 passengers were injured during the rise and fall of flight of Air Canada 878. The passengers described the flight as something from a horror movie. People were being thrown around, food carts were on the ceiling, flight attendants ended up in some guys lap – okay that last part might not have been that bad…Imagine that you are sleeping, your seat-belt is undone, and suddenly everyone is screaming and you’re on the ceiling! I imagine it looked like a life size version of Hungry, Hungry Hippos – only replace the marbles with people and the hippos with parts of the plane!
I wonder if anyone was in the bathroom trying to join the mile high club? If so, do you think they may have thought they caused the turbulence? She could have been like “Brad did the plane move?” and he would have answered “Yeah baby, it moved for me too.”

The flight crew supposedly offered all the passengers free peanuts and coffee to smooth the situation over. Then they suggested that even though the fasten seat-belts light was not on, perhaps everyone should wear one for the rest of the flight.
This story, along with the one I told you a few weeks back about the pilot wanting to take people to see Jesus, is one of the reasons I drive everywhere. And at least while driving, I won’t end up on Venus…

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