Easter Is A Booming Business

Easter egg hunts don’t usually end with a bang, but the one that took place in Holford, England got kind of explosive. Normally these events blow up due to parents fighting over the eggs their children are hunting for – but the reasons for this flare up was less Jerry Springer and more Michael Bay.

That’s because a three-year-old boy found a hand grenade hidden among the eggs and candy. Technically, the three-year-old boy was just standing on top of it and a nearby Stuart Moffatt, a 34-year-old father of three, actually saw the incendiary device.

Stuart was there with his wife Victoria (a very British sounding name) and their two girls Nelly, 5, Isla, 2, and son, Freddie, 11 months. “We were just counting up the eggs when I looked over and saw what looked like an egg,” Stuart said. “The boy was just standing there and thought it was a rock.” I think Stuart planned to snake an extra Easter egg for his kids. Stuart soon realized though that “it was no Easter egg.”

The bomb squad was called out and everyone was moved out of the area. Police identified the device as a World War II hand grenade. They then determined the best way to deal with the device would be to pull the pin and toss it in a field. I imagine they high-fived each other afterwards!

I think the kids could have come up with the same solution. Of course, they may have wanted to dye it with cochineal beetles before “blowing the thing to kingdom come.” I mean, the cops aren’t there for five minutes before they decide that the best thing they can do with a relic from World War II is blow it the hell up! Doesn’t stuff like this belong in a museum? Shouldn’t they have tried to disarm it and then put it on display somewhere? That’s like finding an old beer keg and just deciding to drink whatever happened to be inside it. You aren’t even sure it’s beer – its been sitting in Eddie’s barn for 30 years – but you decide to drink it anyway!

If my kid had found a grenade, I would have never called the police. That would be going in daddy’s closet. I would have paid kids a quarter each to find me more! I may have even offered a dollar pound to any kid that found me a landmine! After all, explosives are the best way to keep Jehovah Witnesses off the lawn!

I think instead of hiding eggs to celebrate fertility, we should hide weapons and ordinance to celebrate America! We could call it the Annual Bomb Raid!
Think about it – little Johnnie is wandering around looking for ammunition and maybe a new Glock! They could even manufacture the shell casings in pretty pastel colors! Winchester, I think you are missing out on a potential gold mine – after all Santa is packing so why shouldn’t the Easter Bunny be?


One comment on “Easter Is A Booming Business

  1. When I was about six my school friend Martin Walker, same age, found a WWII hand grenade behind my house. Being a good little boy he put it in his pocket and walked the mile or so to the police station with it. I always wished I’d seen the desk sergeant’s face when this angelic looking little boy with blond curls walked up to a desk he couldn’t even see over and reached up saying “Please mister, I found this” – and dropped a grenade in front of him.

    The thing was so rusty they thought it might go off at any minute and cordoned off the high street till the army arrived. We were all so jealous of Martin, all that the rest of us ever found was the odd clip of .303…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s