This Is SO Alien To Me

Folks..what will you be doing when the world ends? If the Mayans are right and the sun sets for the final time on December 21st, 2012, will you spend those last moments huddled up with people you love? And (still assuming they are correct) knowing the end is coming, what will you do to prepare?

If you are one of the New Age hippies flocking to the Pic de Bugarach, you’ll spend these last days rock climbing – naked.

Because let’s face it, the world is surely coming to an end. We know this because everyone, from Jesus to that crazy homeless guy who asked you for quarters, has been telling us this! Because there are signs everywhere! They are in all shapes, sizes, and colors – I like the new one for Starbucks!

Which brings us back to the hippies…See Pic de Bugarach, the upside-down mountain, is the supposed inspiration for Jules Verne’s Journey to the Center of the Earth. But instead of finding dinosaurs and proto-humans, the mountain is actually a garage. For space people. From galaxies far, far away. Who will be returning to rescue their faithful on – you guessed it: December 21st, 2012!

So, now over 20,000 hippies have invaded this town of only 200 people – which has the local residents up in arms! Sure, the smell of marijuana drifting down the mountain isn’t so bad, and neither are the sweet campfire songs about love and peace, and sure they are boosting the local economy…but when a resident accidentally stumbles across 20,000 naked hikers – well, those people need to go!

Add some accusations of strange rituals to the naked mountain treks and the only sign you have is that your new neighbors are part of a cult. Of course, the mountain has always drawn strange people. Steven Spielberg supposedly went there and came away with the idea for “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” Hippies have  flocked to the mountain since the 1960’s because it “emits strange magic rays.”

The mountain is unusual because the top of the mountain is actually older than the base. Scientists think this is because a volcano erupted under it and sent the peak flying into the air and when it landed: it did so upside down. The Hippies say this is rubbish and the reason beyond the geological discrepancy is because a race of super aliens used older rocks on the top. I guess those kinds of conclusions require a scientific method that has the control group hitting acid.

Their alien masters are supposedly asleep inside the mountain. I guess they must have told the Mayans when they planned to set their alarm, because the Hippies believe the aliens will wake up on December 21 and gather all of their “children” into their spacecraft. I have read enough science fiction to know that when aliens gather people up, it isn’t to save them from themselves – it’s to save them for dinner! It’s called stocking up your larder! I say we prepare for an invasion of Purple Space Bears from Uranus!

The mayor, Jean-Pierre Delord, has requested help from the French army  (whether it is because he feels riots will take place when the world is still here on December 22nd or he fears a mass suicide) is unknown.

He is quoted as saying, “After this over, I think we will throw a big party with wine and cheese.”

Maybe that is the right idea…after all, it’s not uncommon to see naked people dancing once you introduce alcohol to the equation.

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