I ‘Scream’ For Equal Rights

Folks, I am a proponent for gay marriage. Mainly because I think they should be allowed to be as miserable as straight people…after all, marriage might make them all a little less “gay.” Which is why I am happy to announce that Ben & Jerry’s UK division is changing the name of its apple pie flavored ice cream to “Apple-y Ever After.”

The new packaging features two men holding a bouquet of flowers atop a wedding cake that is accented in rainbows. It’s a very joyful looking package – which is reflective of many marriages at first…until she starts nagging and he gets lazy and they accuse the other of sucking the life out of them…I think this transition is called the Honeymoon. The renaming is in response to the UK’s decision to legalize gay marriage and the discriminating relationship status of “in a civil union.” Makes it sound like they work for the Post Office or something, doesn’t it?

Ben & Jerry’s has partnered with Stonewall, a gay rights organizations, to create a Facebook fan page and website that allows you to ‘marry’ anyone you want. I married Cleopatra. See how happy we are! I wonder if that makes me ‘King of Egypt’ now?

I just wish this flavor was available state side! And think of the other flavors that Ben & Jerry’s could roll out to support this trend!

How about a flavor called “Strapped On & Split?” This could be a variation of a banana split ice cream with sprinkles. The packaging could depict two cartoonish women trying to tie a banana to a bowl.

Or maybe one named “Truck Route.” This would be a chocolate caramel rocky road concoction with swirls of strawberry sauce mixed in. It could picture a semi driving along a river of chocolate-strawberry deliciousness!

They already have a few flavors that could use new pictures like “Buried Treasure” or “Cinnamon Buns.”

Imagine new box art for those! Ben & Jerry’s is famous for pushing the envelope – take their flavor “Schweddy Balls!”

This isn’t the first time the company has changed a brand of ice cream to show support for divorce lawyers gay marriage, back in 2009, the company renamed “Chubby Hubby” to “Hubby Hubby” to support the gay marriage legislation in Vermont. Vermont was the first state to allow same sex marriage that did not require a court to tell them to do so.

So come on B&J, make me some ice cream that is provocative, yet socially conscious. Stimulate my sympathy by making me fat.


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