Naked Prison Blues

*Sometimes the easiest way to deal with a horrible situation is to ignore the situation and do what comes easiest. That is why today, I am going to move forward and focus on the world not connected directly to myself.*

In these difficult economic times, we must create new ways to make money. That is why I am applauding the Swedish Penal System. Everyone knows that when someone goes to jail, they get a lot of money…money that just lays around waiting for them to be set free. So the prisons in Sweden have come up with a great way to get a piece of that action – by releasing prisoners naked unless they buy clothes from Warden!

Yesterday, a man named “Percy” was released from the Brinkeburg prison in only his underwear. The jail refused to give him clothing for free because he had roughly $118 with which he could purchase clothing from the prison store. Percy was more concerned with how might be able to eat later though and decided that trekking home in only his skivvies was the smartest thing he could do. He managed to hail a taxicab and get a ride into the city where he was able to buy pants.

I think the prison, however, was completely in the right! Imagine if prisons in this country followed this example! Crime rates might drop if the offender knew he would be forced to wander around butt naked after being set free! I think the only thing better would have been to place them on a busy road a few miles from town…this way they could walk in abject humiliation to the nearest store – because I know I won’t be picking up the naked hitchhiker!

Wardens could buy out the clothing section from the nearest Goodwill and then resell them at GAP prices to people with barely enough cash to get a Happy Meal from McDonald’s! This way the newly freed convicts would be completely broke and have to resort to petty crime in order to feed themselves which puts them back into the prison system which lets them buy clothes again upon release – ad infinitum!

The Prison Store’s motto could be “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem – For A Price!” To further encourage convicts to make purchases, maybe the prison could hire a few rednecks to heckle the newly released as they slowly walk back towards civilization! Nothing is more humiliating than being harassed by guys in flannel who are driving a pick up truck while you are walking naked back to town and being forced to listen to the soundtrack to Deliverance – inside your own head!

People are always saying prison is too soft and I think this would make it hard again! Or at least make the guys that used you for their bitch hard again as they watch your punk ass walk off naked into the horizon…

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