Folks, I have found the perfect sport! Well, maybe sport is a bit much…I guess it’s more of an exercise.
It combines my love of the outdoors with my love of laughing at the neighbors. That’s right everyone – I love laughter yoga!
See, instead of caroling this year, me and a group of friends and family wandered the neighborhood while spinning in circles and laughing hysterically while pointing at the neighbors. Sometimes you are supposed to make scary fingers and laugh while doing this!
The way it works is – you pay a Laugh Captain to stare you in the eyes and act in child-like playfulness while they fake laugh. This is supposed to make you fake laugh and since people can’t tell the difference between fake laughter and real laughter…everyone starts laughing! These chortling pilots get paid $75 an hour to make faces like those parents make at babies and to giggle like they were just freed from the asylum!
The Laughing Yoga people believe in the healing power of laughing for no damn reason that would have gotten one locked up a few decades ago! They also encourage you to get over your past pains by laughing at them! Your dog was run over by a truck – HAHA! You lost your grammy – HAHAHA! See, it’s that easy! And they say the more painful the memory, the stronger the laughter that can come from it!
For instance let’s say as a little kid, your only friend was a small goat that your parents told you was going to be eaten in a couple of years. Then you have to watch in horror as they butcher this animal you raised and took care of! Then you eat dinner one night and mom asks you if the feelings you had for Fluffy made it taste better! Instead of years of therapy and depression, you should just laugh at that memory like I would laugh at you if you told me this had happened to you!
I started my mission at a local nursing home! I stared old people down while I pointed, laughed, and bounced around like a bunny on meth! This lasted all of 8 minutes before I was escorted off the property…undaunted I went to the hospital and tried again! At the hospital, a few of the psych ward patients joined in and followed me through the hospital as we laughed at the other people there! As we traversed the hospital room by room we were joined by security that tried to help stimulate our laughter. This new layer of electricity made most of us laugh even harder as members of our group spasmed on the floor as if they were having a seizure! Knowing any of us could be next, we formed a fast moving Conga line towards the front door!
Still not put off, I went to a playground and made scary fingers and stalking movements to all the little kids that were present! You should have seen the looks of joy on their faces and on the faces of all their parents! Some of those parents were quick to run up to me and ask what it was exactly that I was doing! I merely made a silly face and laughed harder!
It is at this point I learned that laughter isn’t always contagious and that you can die from laughing if someone is beating you to a pulp while you are doing it!